Day 4 – officially in the KILL ALL THE THINGS phase

So today started ok, I actually woke up feelinf pretty positive and to be honest today has had a lot of positivity in it. I’ve been planning lots of things that I want to do, and I put myself forward for some charity events in work. I just generally felt really positive about life and like I wanted to challenge myself to do lots of things that would previously have scared me. I really feel like testing myself at the moment in positive ways to better myself, boost my confidence and to help others. About lunch time I started feeling the slump that I’ve been expecting for the last 4 days. I suddenly just felt like I’d had the stuffing knocked out of me, and it didn’t help that the cases I had in work felt like wading through treacle. They were complicated and stressful and I’m increasingly aware of how I need to perform exceptionally if I’m to keep my job after Christmas.

A sudden wave of resentment came over me about 2pm that I was busting my ass working as hard as I could and getting essentially no recognition from the company who have now decided that they aren’t going to offer us permanent contracts as they want to ‘keep us flexible’ (read: so they can jib us off whenever they want. Urgh). From then on every little thing just got on my nerves, the car was hot and sticky, the traffic was horrendous, I was hungry and tired as I didn’t have chance for a snack, my laptop charger wasn’t plugged in and my laptop had run out of battery etc. I’d been expecting this so its not really a surprise but its still a bit sucky. I’ve just been snappy and irritbale. I sat down with a nice box of cranberries and nuts only to discover that the cranberries were sweetened with sugar, so I can’t eat them. I could quite happily murder a chocolate bar right now, or a glass of wine. Yeah today is a bit tought, but I’m having a cup of tea with almond milk and some nuts and watching Bake Off which, even though its filled with tasty treats I cant eat right now, is surprisingly soothing. I just keep reminding myself that it is only for 30 days, 30 little days and it will do me so much good in so many ways.

What I ate:

Breakfast – Banana and a fruit and nut graze box

Lunch – Bacon and egg salad with tomatoes and peppers

Dinner – Dave’s yummy home made salmon, tuna and sweet potato fishcakes with sugarsnaps, asparagus and mangetout – super duper yummy!

Snack – Handful of nuts and dried fruit

I feel like I’m getting a bit stuck with lunch but I’ve got some more adventurous dinners planned over the next few days which I can eat the leftovers for lunch – tomorrow is slow cooked Jambalaya which I’m very excited about! I’m really finding already that I hadn’t realised just how much I ‘treat’ or ‘reward’ myself with food and I’m having to find other ways which is definitely a good thing and I’m finding that I’m looking forward to things more, rather than just what or where we’re going ot eat. I hope by the end of the 30 days that I’ve really reconnected with a lot of things that I’d lost love for, or just not had the time for. Fingers crossed!


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